Half Eaten Sandwiches: September 2017

Tacking to new Shores

14th of July 1991, Goa. As the train slowly rumbled into Vasco-da-Gama Railway station, 3 young 18 year olds, took in the sights of the sea for the first time. Monsoon seas, swollen and bursting forth with the unbridled energy of youth . Now 15 Sep 17. A/N. Clear blue skies, calm glassy oceans. The wheel has turned full circle. Feeling just as overwhelmed. Ironic but my last day in whites, was quite in the blues.

Like Hanging up my Second Skin

I have been waiting a while for this moment. It's been building up like a slow moving storm front. Invisible, but all around me. For the past few months, I have seen a plethora of posts, on Social Media, marking "that" moment. Posts on "a glorious life well lived", "hanging the uniform for the last time", "done and dusted", "let go Number 1", and so on. Well, not really every instant, I have to admit the churn rate is low, but then it's human nature to notice, what one wants to notice.

Now, it's that time for me too. Time to say my final goodbyes. Time to move on. Break open the bubbly. I guess I need to bring out the Thesaurus, or rather speak out, with a twang, a crisp - "Ok Google" . Dish out the poetry. Lay it on thick. Count the myriad "likes" and the comments - "Anchor's aweigh buddy", "we'll remember you", "best of luck", 😄 etcetera etcetera.

The emotional split is much more than mere words can harness. (Hey, all you folks reading this - that's a hint 😉😉. I need, the after parties, beyond the farewells). I search for words in this tempest in my mind, clutching dearly at the memories that flood my thoughts. I look at how famous people verbalised in such times. Somehow, no quote seems to fit the bill.

The problem with quotations is that they are rarely in context. Take for example -

"Nothing in his life. Became him like the leaving it.." sounds good here?

Ok I'll do the full quote "A deep repentance. Nothing in his life. Became him like the leaving it." Macbeth Act 1, scene 4, 1–8. LOL. You don't have to be Shakespeare to answer that. Do you?

Yes it is, an emotional moment. And there are no regrets. Twentysix years in white is a long time. Some do longer, but I've done my time. Paid my debts. To my country and to myself. Four years as, a cadet, at the Naval Academy and at Sea, and then as a Midshipman in the Fleet and then, on earning my stripes, 22 years plus, as an officer. Long enough for this "way of life" to be embedded in my DNA, my very core. A life well lived. A life of honour, a life with a purpose , every moment, a moment of Pride. Now, I do agree that everyone is unique, and God (or Nature if you please) made us all different, but there is that underlying thread. You cannot touch it, yet, it's so palpable. This is my life, a way of life. But when the time comes, and mind you sooner or later it comes for everyone, you have to move on. The reminiscences remain, the good times, the bittersweet moments but the invisible umbilical cord needs to be cut. Even Billy Joel's - 'Davy', who's, ostensibly, still in the Navy, And probably will be for life - will need to move on one day. La la la, di da da, La la, di da da da dum; I wish had my very own Pianoman, who'd, Sing me a song. Sing me a song tonight.

The past month has been consumed with waves of nostalgia. As the clock ticked. Each day brought forth a deluge of emotions and memories. Trepidation and anticipation of new adventures beyond the life in whites. Farewell parties and Godspeed messages. After/Noon 15 Sep 2017. What's in a day you say! So many have passed that fairway buoy at the mouth of a channel; onto the great beyond. These Indelible Milestones! Just a date in the calendar? Only a sailor can tell the importance of each light house, a charted reef, a shoal, a star or a navigational mark. For the romantics, the sun arcs across the sky on it's blazing journey every day, and the stars and constellations that light up the night have fanciful names and tell intriguing tales. But then, only a sailor can claim - "my ship", "she runs on these celestial paths".

It has been the best of times and I have seen worst of times. Cities and harbours, bays and anchorages, near and far. From Parades, miles under the keel and showing the Flag, to nature's furies of storms and cyclones, earthquakes and a Tsunami . Every turn of the wheel brought forth new harbours, new dwellings. Not just for me, for my family too. A fresh lick of paint here and a new school there. A new set of adventures a new set of friends. Waves breaking over the hull leaving frothing memories in its wake. Every moment brought forth a new challenge, a new bonding and reaffirmed a faith, faith in your country, your team and your men. Faith, that the only things that last forever are commitment, human values and professionalism. And, the invisible umbilical cord.

I have a lot to be thankful for. The pillar of my strength, my wife who took each new day as a vagabond, in her stride. Who kept the homefires burning and made each new billet a home. My daughter who changed schools faster than she probably flipped pages in her Math textbook. My family that extended beyond my parents, sibling, wife, daughter, course mates, friends, various dogs, cats and creatures that made our life beautiful and interesting. People who I never knew, but could safely entrust my near and dear ones too, just because they were related to me by the colour white. Those who taught me, led me. Those fine men and women who followed me. Those who supported me. Faces, some emblazoned in my memory palace, as anchors, safe harbours and beacons, others a blur. Each one a part of this big family that we call the Indian Navy. Names, names, names. Humans look for names. A family is more than a name, a faceless all encompassing blanket. The family that made me strong and secure. Who helped me get up each time I felt weak and beaten, who held me back when I was pulling too strong at the rope, who were the wind in my sails. Too many names to spell out. All I can say is thank you. I am, therefore I am. I am, wherefore my extended family, I'll always be indebted. It's been an overwhelming journey.Thankyou

Yet this is just one chapter from a book of life, waiting for me to turn the pages. Just reaching the cusp of middle ages and civvy street beckons. Yet , still, every time I hear the naval band strike up the tunes of "Jai Bharti", I feel like stepping out to a march. Just like my first term as a cadet, the adventures have just begun. I pick up the oars again. Shano Varuna . Jai Hind